I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
