You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
