The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
