Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
