I'm going to jail i love you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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