she was so not down for the gang bang
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
