the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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