haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
