so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
