Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
