im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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