p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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