So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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