U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
