; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
