Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize