The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
