your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize