If that was your dad, he is hot
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
