I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We are all done wearing pants today
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
