just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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