Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
