I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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