Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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