Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
