you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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