so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
