i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
