Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
