We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
