There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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