dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
two words...techno handjob
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
