I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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