I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just want nice things and good sex
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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