the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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