I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
