Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
