Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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