Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
