i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
