I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
