? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
