Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The air was thick with penises
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
