you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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