Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
