walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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