Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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