I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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