I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
