but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
