Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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