Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
