the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
