Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
