he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
