matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
