I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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