Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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