My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
