THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
