Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
