You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
