I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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