I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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