Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
