So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
