Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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