You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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