so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
