WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
